Hermione Granger and the Raising of the Titanic
by Psycho Colette
Summary: It's their last year at Hogwards, and man is it gonna be a crazy one: Hermione's gone nuts and it's up to Ron and Harry to figure out why and stop her from killing Snape.
1. Spell One

**Harry Potter and the Raising of the Titanic  
**  
Hermione: Hold on. Harry Potter? This story focuses on ME.  
  
T.H. Yuna: Point?  
  
Hermione: **CHANGE THE TITLE NOW!**  
  
T.H. Yuna: OO;;;;; changes it  
  
**Hermione Granger and the Raising of the Titanic**  
  
Hermione: Much better!  
  
T. H. Yuna: .......someone please help me!...........  
  
This is my first attempt at Harry Potter fic, so be kind and _no_ flaming. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy! R/R! Oh, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the related characters. I own the OCs though, so neh! XD  
  
Side Note: This is based off of a hand-drawn comic called Reality Check! that I am currently working on. Wish you could see it, but I have no way of getting it online as of yet, so sorry about that one.  
  
**Spell One: It Might Be the Glasses**  
  
The final weak beams of summer sun bathed the Hogwarts grounds in a warm light as the teachers milled about discussing the upcoming school year. Off by himself was Professor Snape, who would rather remain alone than trying to make idle chit-chat with the other professors. Watching intently as the sun fell below the horizon, Snape frowned deeply. They were almost to the school. Another year of snott-nosed, brain-dead students...and Potter.  
  
Little did Snape know that Harry would be the _least_ of his problems. One must keep in mind that a lot can happen in just a few months. In the case of this story, many things had changed. Especially Hermione.  
  
** earlier that day **  
  
The Hogwarts Express glinted in the bright morning light; its fiery- red color well polished and new-looking. Students of all ages-first years to last years- boarded the majestic train as it sat waiting to depart for Hogwarts. Amongst the clusters of friends catching up on things and parents wishing their children good luck stood Harry and Ron with their luggage.  
  
"No sign of her yet?" Ron said, craning his neck to look over the heads of people.  
  
"Not that I can see," Harry replied, looking at his watch.  
  
"Bloody hell!" yelled a girl not far from where Ron and Harry were. "Could you blasted first years get out of my way?! I'm in a hurry!"  
  
Ron and Harry looked at each other in disbelief. It was Hermione.  
  
"Hey! Hermione!" Ron waved so she could make her way over. "We thought you wouldn't make it on time!"  
  
"Well if it weren't for all these first years....." she growled, glaring at one of them, who fled in fear. "I would have been. But there's a first time for everything, isn't there?"  
  
"Are you feeling alright?" asked Harry, looking her over.  
  
"Never better!" she grinned, pushing a pair of glasses up off her nose. "I can't wait to get back to Hogwarts! Can you believe this is our last year?! Oh, I can't wait to get there!"  
  
"To study?" Ron joked. "Pretty early to be thinking about that isn't it?"  
  
"Study?" Hermione laughed, causing Ron to gape. "Why would I want to do a thing like that?"  
  
Before either Ron or Harry could comment on this, the train's whistle blew, calling all students to get onboard. Grabbing up their things, Harry and Ron followed Hermione onto the train and to a vacant compartment. As they stowed their luggage, Ron and Harry whispered to one another.  
  
"I wonder what happened," Harry said, setting Hedwig's cage on the seat. "She's acting really different, don't you think?"  
  
"I don't think, I know something different about her," Ron commented, shoving a blanket over Pig's cage to get him to stop twittering loudly. "Plus, when did she get glasses?"  
  
"Over the summer I guess," shrugged Harry. "But what difference does that make?"  
  
"Dunno," sighed Ron, shoving his trunk into the overhead shelf. "But they just seem...I'm not sure, but somehow just wrong. You know what I mean?"  
  
Harry simply nodded and sat down. The summer had been long for him as usual, but at least he had gotten regular mail from both Ron and Hermione. When he thought about it, Hermione's tone had even changed in her letters, but he hadn't noticed it at the time. Shrugging it off, he got settled in his seat and watched the train pulling out of the station.  
  
"So, how have you been, Hermione?" Ron asked.  
  
"Not too bad," she replied, taking her glasses off to clean them on her shirt. "I got these glasses at a muggle eye-doctor about a month ago. Bloody annoying; I don't see how you can stand them, Harry. How was your summer, by the way?"  
  
"Mine or Harry's?" yawned Ron, rubbing sleep from his eyes.  
  
"Either's fine," Hermione laughed.  
  
"Mine was the usual bore," responded Harry with a smile. "How was yours, Ron?"  
  
"Just about the same as last summer," Ron started, and then turned to the door. "Aw bloody hell. Couldn't he have waited until we got to the school at least?"  
  
Without a knock or consent from Harry, Ron, or Hermione, Draco Malfoy and his goons barged in. With a sneer plastered on his face, Draco ran a hand through his slicked-back hair and turned to Harry.  
  
"Hello, Potter," he spat. "How was your summer with those muggles you live with?"  
  
"Back off....." Harry started.  
  
"No one invited you into our compartment, Malfoy," Hermione stated in an almost bored tone. "Get out."  
  
"Like I would listen to you, mud-blood," Draco laughed with an evil look at Hermione, but only getting a cringe from Ron.  
  
"I said it nicely," Hermione growled, pointing her wand at him. "I won't be so nice again. Get. Out. Now."  
  
"Or what?" chuckled Draco, looking amused. "Are you going to make me leave?"  
  
"Something like that, yeah," she sneered, knocking Draco off guard. "I hope you like to dance, Draco...tarantallegra!"  
  
Sparks flew from Hermione's wand and the spell hit Draco. Uncontrollably, Draco began to do a rather splendid Irish jig in the doorway. To the torrents of laughter, Crabe and Goyle guided Draco out of the compartment and slammed the door behind them. Hermione nodded in approval and sat back down.  
  
"I believe there will be no further interruptions from him today," she giggled, stowing her wand. "Not with that curse on him."  
  
"Have I reminded you yet that you scare me sometimes?" Ron gasped through his laughter.  
  
"Not yet this year," she laughed.  
  
** later at Hogwarts **  
  
Slowly, the Hogwarts Express pulled into the station far below the school like a long, weary snake. As the students filed off, now in their uniforms, Hagrid rounded up the first years to take them across the lake in the boats. Hermione led the way to a carriage and nearly knocked down a few second years in the process.  
  
While the first years were crossing the lake and the other students made their way up in the carriages, the teachers took their places at the head table. With a glance to the empty tables, Snape took his seat and glared toward the main doors.  
  
"Can you believe how fast the summer went?" Professor McGonagall said to Dumbledore.  
  
"Too fast if you ask me," Snape hissed to himself.  
  
"Yes, the summer went by quite quickly," nodded Dumbledore with a side glance at Snape.  
  
"Well," McGonagall sighed, noticing the students starting to come in. "I had better go and greet the first years. They should be arriving soon."  
  
As Professor McGonagall took her leave, Snape glared out at the second through seventh year students who were taking their seats at their House tables. Almost instantly, his eyes locked on Harry and his frown deepened.  
  
"Hey, Harry," Ron nudged Harry and motioned at the Head table. "Snape's looking over at you. Well, not looking but more like glaring."  
  
"I'm not surprised," Harry laughed, looking Snape right in the eye until he turned away. "Another year to go with us in his class; probably wished I had died over the summer."  
  
"Well, I for one am not going to take his crap sitting down this year," Hermione smirked, shooting a glare at Snape. "It's our last year and we should enjoy it."  
  
Ron and Harry shared a 'WTF' look as Hermione took a seat at the Gryffindor table and motioned them to sit next to her. Without a word, they complied and sat down just as Professor McGonagall led the first years in.  
  
"Geeze, look at them all," Hermione shook her head and looked at the empty golden plate before her. "The Sorting is going to take a long time and I'm starving."  
  
"You've never complained before," Ron gaped.  
  
"Meh. Things change," she shrugged and watched the first years go by.  
  
** The Next Day: Potions Class **  
  
The dark dungeon classroom was full of whispering green and red clad students. While the Gryffindors took up the front half of the seats while the Sytherins took to the back and as far away from the Gryffindors as they could get.  
  
Near the middle at their usual table, Hermione, Ron, and Harry sat talking about their classes. But when the door slammed open and Snape floated in, everyone shut up.  
  
"Class," he acknowledged his students. "Open your books to page 342 and read paragraph two."  
  
"Thus is starts," Hermione rolled her eyes and flipped open her book.  
  
"This does not require discussion, Miss Granger," Snape hissed, standing at the chalkboard writing something. "Must I deduct House Points from Gryffindor five minutes into the school year?"  
  
"No Professor," Hermione replied, flipping to the right page in her book.  
  
"Right," Snape turned back to the board. "Now, who can tell me why I had you read that paragraph?"  
  
Turning to face the class, Snape was almost surprised to see that Hermione was not raising her hand and waving it madly in the air. Then again, none of the other students had raised their hands either. Glaring, he crossed his arms and looked right at Hermione, Harry, and Ron.  
  
"Miss Granger?" he called, making all the other students turn to look at her. "Why did I ask the class to read the second paragraph on page 342?"  
  
"The second paragraph on page 342?" she repeated.  
  
"Yes, that is what I told everyone to read," Snape said through narrowed eyes.  
  
"Well, it was about the cure for shark-fish poison right?" she yawned, ignoring Snape's repeated glares.  
  
"Yes it was. Now why did I make the class read that?" he restated his question.  
  
"In case you bite us?" Hermione sneered, making the Gryffindors all laugh and the Sytherins gape.  
  
"No," Snape growled, venom seeming to swirl in his eyes. "We will be having a test on how to make Shark-Fish Poison Antidote just as soon as you get the ingredients..."  
  
"Please just shut up," Hermione muttered to herself and shook her head.  
  
"Five points from....." Snape began.  
  
"Tell someone who cares," she yawned, putting her head down in her book.  
  
Without a retort, Snape went back to writing the ingredients on the board. If Harry and Ron had been confused about Hermione's behavior before, they were _completely_ stumped then. The rest of the class period went by without incident and when the bell rang, Snape made an announcement.  
  
"Seven page essay on the importance of shark-fish poison antidote due tomorrow," he said over murmurs of 'Aw man' and 'Great...' "Miss Granger, I'd like to have a word with you."  
  
"You just did," she said while heading for the door. "See you tomorrow."  
  
Snape watched as Ron and Harry rushed out after her and shut the door. Of all the kids he expect that attitude from, Hermione was the last of them.  
  
"Potter must have finally worn off on her," Snape shrugged and prepared for his next class.  
  
** out in the hall   
**  
"Hermione, are you nuts?!" Ron exclaimed as they headed for Care of Magical Creatures class.  
  
"Not the last time I checked," she grinned, detouring for the girl's bathroom. "I'll meet you at class, guys."  
  
"I think she's finally snapped," Ron shook his head, watching her disappear into the bathroom. "Too many books; they fried her bloody brain, I'm guessing."  
  
"I dunno, Ron," Harry looked thoughtful while they headed for the doors leading onto the grounds. "It could be the glasses."  
  
**End Spell One  
**  
Is Hermione's strange behavior due to her new glasses?

Was it really a muggle who gave her the glasses?

Will Ron and Harry be able to find out what's up before Hermione loses Gryffindor more House Points?

Will you find out all the answers in the next chapter?

(No...no you won't.)

Find out nothing in the next chapter!

Or will you?

R/R!


	2. Spell Two

Thanks for the reviews! On to chapter two! R/R and no flames!  
  
**Spell Two: Night Owl**  
  
Most of their first day was uneventful after Potions. Hermione got through all the classes without loosing more House Points nor getting the class extra homework. A good thing considering the seven page essay they had to do for Potions.  
  
Half-awake, the three friends made their way to the Great Hall to have dinner before going up to Gryffindor Tower to start their homework. Yawning open-mouthidly, Hermione flopped onto the bench at the Gryffindor Table. All three spooned random food-stuff onto their plates and ate while talking about the day.  
  
"I can't believe Hagrid had more of those blast-ended skrewts!" Ron sighed with a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "He must be off his rocker!"  
  
"Those aren't new ones, really," commented Hermione, waving a drumstick like a baton. "He said that they're offspring from the previous ones that he had in our fourth year. They must have escaped into the Forbidden Forrest after the final stage of the tournament."  
  
"All the more reason to stay out of those bloody woods," Ron shook his head and swallowed his potatoes. "What with all the spiders and werewolves and centaurs and now those bloody blast-ended skrewts."  
  
"Not that we'd ever need to go in there again," Harry added, finishing his cup of pumpkin juice.  
  
But one should never assume these things. Because when you do, they tend to happen and your words will come back to haunt you. No, the magic world is not impervious to Murphy's Law, sadly. Too bad for them! Mwahahahahaha! Oh wait...that's mean...oh well.  
  
They finished their meals and headed for the usual path up to Gryffindor tower. But just as they reached the stairs leading up, they moved to another platform. Not just any platform. The platform leading to the still-forbidden-for-some-unknown-reason third floor corridor. Looking at one another, Ron and Harry went to go back down. Hermione, on the other hand, continued up toward the platform and the corridor.  
  
"Are you guys scared?" she laughed, turning to face them when she got to the platform.  
  
"No, but I think you're nuts!" Ron called up to her, stopping halfway down the stairs.  
  
"It's still off-limits isn't it?" Harry commented, a few stairs below Ron.  
  
"Buckaw!" Hermione imitated a chicken and strode into the corridor. "Chickens!" "Alright," sighed Ron, shrugging. "We'd better follow her or she might get hurt."  
  
"By what?" she called back, waiting just in the corridor. "I bet it's deserted by now."  
  
Assuming that she was right, as she usually was, Ron and Harry followed Hermione toward the small wooden door at the end of the corridor. As they passed along, the stone torches lit the way. Like magic. Wait. It was magic. Never mind. MOVE ALONG!  
  
Reaching for the door handle, Hermione found that it was locked. Confused, she tried turning it the other way, but with no results either. Pulling out her wand, Hermione prepared to unlock the door when Ron grabbed her shoulder.  
  
"What is it now?" she asked, lowering her wand from the lock.  
  
"Don't you think that they would have left it unlocked if nothing was in there?" he asked.  
  
"He has a point," added Harry. "Let's just go. We need to start those essays."  
  
"Aw, you two are such sissies!" she laughed, turning back to the door. "There's nothing left in there to be afraid of; the teachers just forgot to leave it unlocked, that's all! Alohomora!"  
  
There was a soft click and the wooden door creaked inward. Smiling confidently, Hermione strode in and faced her two friends with her hands on her hips.  
  
"See, there's nothing to," she started, then felt drool on her shoulder. "I guess I shouldn't look behind me, right?"  
  
"..." Harry and Ron both nodded and started backing away.  
  
Herminone looked over her shoulder slowly. Her eyes widened.  
  
"Bloody hell!" she shrieked as she dashed out into the corridor just barely out of reach. "Why in Merlin's hat is Fluffy _still_ here?!"  
  
"Less wondering and more running for your bloody life!" Ron yelled over Fluffy's booming barks. "I don't think the wall will hold!"  
  
They should really look into teaching Murphy's Law in Hogwarts. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Just as Ron had finished saying that the wall wouldn't hold, it stopped holding.  
  
"Great!" Hermione snapped, following Harry and Ron back down the stairs. "Look what you did! You _jinxed_ it!"  
  
See what I mean? Murphy's Law right there for you. Well, not really if you think about it. See, because I control their world and I can do what ever I want. Like, for instance, I could have Fluffy rip them to shreds and drag their entrails about the school like some kind of morbid victory lap. Or I can simply have Fluffy fall off the stairs and go **SPLAT** far below. But that would be mean. So I'll let Fluffy chase them.  
  
"Thanks a lot!" Harry yelled at the author.  
  
"At least he won't be tearing us to shreds!" Ron gasped for breath as they neared the portrait of the Fat Lady, Fluffy right on their heals.  
  
"Try telling him that!" Hermione motioned over her shoulder at the three snarling heads. "The password's Trogdor! Hurry it up!"  
  
"Oh my!" gasped the Fat Lady who swung open as fast as she could to allow the three to run inside.  
  
**SHMACK!!!!!!!**  
  
Fluffy, unfortunately for him, was far too large to fit through the doorway and slammed into the wall with sickening force. The three startled and winded teens stared at the unconscious, man-eating, three-headed dog. He didn't move. Out like a light.  
  
"Now what?" Harry sighed, still standing rigid against the wall of the stairwell.  
  
"Act like nothing happened,I guess," shrugged Hermione as she swept past Harry and Ron heading up to the Common Room. "Fat Lady, just say that it chased my cat up here or something if anyone asks...and I'm sure someone will."  
  
"Right," yawned the Fat Lady as the portrait swung back over the opening.  
  
"Essay time!" growled Hermione as she disappeared into the Common Room. "Oh how much bloody fun! Yeah...right."  
  
Another 'WTF' moment passed between Ron and Harry before they manage to wobble up the stairs after her.  
  
"She's mentally fried I tell you," Ron whispered to Harry. "Something is definitely not right with her."  
  
"The glasses?" Harry suggested. "Maybe we should look into that at the library. Normally Hermione would, but....."  
  
"Get out of my chair, first-year!" Hermione roared as the frightened first- year fled for his dear life.  
  
"Enough said," Harry finished. "Right after lunch we'll go look in the library for anything on the subject."  
  
"Right," Ron nodded as they reached the Common Room, nearly tripping over Hermione's cat. "Tomorrow after lunch it is."  
  
**The Next Day: Potions Class**

(Side Note: Much of the story will be in this class. They go to other classes, yes, but none have been important to the plot thus far, so...yeah.)  
  
Weary-eyed students struggled to keep their heads from slamming down into their books, where others (mostly Sytherins) were sleeping peacefully. Ron and Harry looked like they had just gotten done with a marathon and Hermione was near collapse. The only thing keeping her going was a chocolate-chip cookie that she was munching on merrily.  
  
"I lwove cwookies," she mumbled through a mouthful.  
  
The tell-tale **SHLAM** of the classroom door meant that Professor Snape was ready to begin class. Those who were asleep woke instantly and those who were drifting redoubled their efforts to _stay _awake. Snape didn't look all that well-rested either. Hermione, Harry, and Ron could guess why even _before_ he began to address the class about what had happened last night. This being because of the simple fact that, well, they were _there_. Duh.  
  
"Last night there was a giant three-headed dog loose in the stairwells," he hissed, directing his glare at the three Gryffindors. "Luckily, no one was hurt and the dog was removed from the school."  
  
"Snape lingo for 'Man, I can't believe none of these snott-nosed brats got ripped to pieces and flung about like a bloody rag-doll,'" murmured Hermione to herself, making Ron and Harry laugh.  
  
"Miss Granger?" Snape growled, now standing right before their table. "May I ask what's so funn......what are you eating?"  
  
"Er," Hermione looked at the cookie in her hand. "Cookie?"  
  
"There is _no_ food allowed in my classroom, Miss Granger," sneered Snape as he snatched it from her. "Five points from...."  
  
"Hey!" she cut him off, standing abruptly. "Do you know how **long** it took me to do that **bloody essay** on shark-fish poison antidote?! **I woke up late and missed breakfast! That cookie is all I ask for!**"  
  
"Must I deduct more House Poi..." Snape began, but was silenced when Hermione launched at him with her wand bore like a knife.  
  
"**Cookie! NOW!**" she hissed, knocking him to the ground  
  
"**Aghhhhhhhh! My EYE!**" he howled.  
  
"I bet that her wand gets _lodged_ in his brain," Ron whispered to Harry.  
  
"You're on," Harry whispered back.  
  
After a while Snape just passed out and Hermione took the cookie back in triumph. Yawning, she sat back down at the table with Ron and Harry, who looked like they'd been slapped upside the head. _Twice_.  
  
"What?" she asked, popping the cookie in her mouth. "I said I wasn't going to take his crap this year, didn't I?"  
  
The Gryffindors roared with laughter and congratulated Hermione. Even some of the Sytherins had to contain their laughter. When the bell rang, Hermione looked down at the unconscious Snape. Shrugging, she followed Ron and Harry out into the hall.  
  
When Snape woke up minutes later, he couldn't remember who had stabbed him in the eye or even why. Struggling to the cabinets, he got a bandage especially for eye wounds. You know teens and their wands: one minute everyone's happy-go-lucky...then **BAM!** Someone goes _PMSy_ and stabs someone in the eye. Hey, it happens.  
  
Poor Snape had no idea that his next class with Hermione would be even _worse_. Why you may ask? Well, let's just say that she has a _weird_ taste in pets. Now, everyone throw a two second pity-party for Snape (waits) Okay! Better now? Good.

**Fans of Snape be warned**: he gets beat up a lot in this, so don't take offense or anything like that. Last thing I need is to be beaten to death by Snape fan-girls in a back-alley out here in Idaho Falls.  
  
**End Spell Two**  
  
What is Hermione's new pet?  
  
Will Snape ever figure out who stabbed him in the eye?  
  
Was Hermione just PMSy or is it the glasses?  
  
Find out some of these answers in Spell Three!  
  
R/R!


	3. Spell Three

Wow. I really need to work on this bugger. Oo; Sorry about the delay! R/R!

**Spell Three¡ Hay Una Criatura Que se Llama Chupacabra!**

Day had barely broke the next morning when Harry was awakened by screaming coming from the Common Room. Leaping out from under the covers and tripping on them twice, he ran down the stone stairs in his pajamas. Ron tackled him and dragged him into a crude barrier made of the tall-backed chairs and a few couch cushions.

"What _are_ you..?" Harry gasped, fighting out of Ron's death grip. "What's going on? I heard screaming..!"

"T-That was me!" whispered Ron, who was clearly in a state of sheer terror. "I think…well…there's some sort of creature wandering around!"

"A creature?" asked Harry, raising one eyebrow. "Are you feeling alright?"

"_**YES**_!" Ron yelled, grabbing Harry by the collar and shaking him. "**_It's. On. The. Couch_**."

Risking a look, Harry shifted so he could see the couch clearly. Sure enough, there was a black scaly creature with red spikes curled up and sleeping on the couch. Harry lowered his head once more and stared at Ron. Ron was shivering.

"What _is_ it?" he mumbled, hoping Harry knew.

"I have no idea," Harry replied to Ron. "I would have to ask Hermione."

"Ask me what?" Hermione said, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she stood on the other side of the barrier.

"For the love of…Hermione, _get in here_!" Ron screamed, grabbing her arm and pulling her in. She toppled over and landed on Harry. "Bloody hell, didn't you see the…_THING_!"

"Huh?" replied Hermione, standing up and brushing herself off. "Oh! You must mean Cherry! I suppose I forgot to tell you guys!"

"That _THING_ has a name!" cried Ron, staring at her in utter shock.

"That 'thing' just so happens to be my new pet," growled Hermione, returning the cushions and chairs to their normal places with her wand. "And her _name_ is Cherry. She isn't dangerous at all!"

"What _is_ she, exactly, Hermione?" Harry asked boldly, helping Ron to his feet.

"Cherry is a rare Chupacabra," she explained. "I got her from Mexico."

"Wait. '_Chupacabra_'?" Harry repeated, not sure he had heard her correctly. "As in '_the sucker of goats_'?"

"The same," confirmed Hermione, picking the cat-sized creature up. "Wake up, Cherry! Meet Ron and Harry!"

Cherry shifted her head and the slowly opened her eyes. They were big, black, and shiny with small red slits for pupils. Cherry blinked a few times, then smiled broadly, revealing two rows of razor-sharp teeth. Ron make a tiny squeaking sound and hid behind Harry. Tilting her head in confusion, Cherry flicked her snake-like tongue.

"Is the skittish one Ron?" Cherry asked in English, which surprised Harry.

"Yes, and the one he's behind is Harry," laughed Hermione.

"A pleasure to meet you, Harry," greeted Cherry, extending her clawed hand.

"Yeah…" Harry said politely, shaking her claw warily.

"Well, I'm going down to breakfast," Hermione announced, walking off with Cherry in her arms. "See ya guys there!"

"Is it safe now?" Ron asked, peering over Harry's shoulder.

"I'm…not sure," Harry replied, scratching his head.

**: Potions :**

Assuming their usual seats, Harry, Ron, and Hermione opened up their bags and began setting up their ingredients for the antidote they were making that day. Cherry was curled up on Hermione's head, but now had changed color to orange with yellow spikes. The door slammed and Snape floated in, now sporting a black eye patch over his right eye. He glared down the Gryffindors who were snorting and giggling over it. Then his eyes fell on Hermione, but more importantly, Cherry.

"Miss Granger," he began, venom in his words. "What_ is_ that on your head?"

"Eh?" stammered Hermione, smiling innocently. "A Chupacabra?"

"A Chupacabra," Snape repeated with a sneer. "Is a forbidden pet on Hogwarts grounds, and _most_ importantly, in my classroom. They are simply not allowed."

"Oh _really_?" countered Hermione, crossing her arms and sneering right back. "I think, Professor Snape, that you will allow Cherry to stay."

"And how, Miss Granger, do you suppose that?" he hissed back with narrowed eyes.

"You like your _**other**_ eye, right?" she said, a brief twinkle shining in her eyes.

"…" Snape backed away slowly with a look of horror, then immediately went about teaching as if nothing has happened and took no more notice of Cherry.

Smiling triumphantly, Hermione kicked up her feet and pulled a cookie from her pocket. Munching on it merrily, she helped Ron and Harry with grinding up snail shells. But the sound of eating brought Snape's attention back to her. He glared and swept over to their table. He stood, glowering over her.

"So, I see you're eating in my class _**again**_," he said, tapping his foot in annoyance.

"Yeah. Wanna try taking it again?" she replied mockingly, reaching for her wand.

"…no," he answered in a reserved and twitchy voice. Something was telling him that it was a bad idea…and that it had something to do with his other, wounded eye.

Hermione began to laugh so much that it brought tears to her eyes. But, suddenly, the cookie that she still had in her mouth fell and lodged itself in her throat. She fell to the floor coughing and sputtering to the riotous laughter of the Sytherins and Snape. Cherry's eye's narrowed and she hissed threateningly. Snape stopped laughing instantly as Cherry launched herself at his face, claws bared. While he ran screaming with the mighty goat sucker attached to his face, Harry and Ron helped dislodge the cookie from Hermione's wind pipe and helped her back to her seat.

"GAHH!" screamed Snape, rushing out of the room. "Not the other eye! GET IT OFF! AGH!"

"So, I suppose we have a free period," Hermione commented cheerfully, as if nothing had just happened.

"Hermione Granger?" asked a timid voice from the doorway. "I am supposed to give you this note. Was that madman with the snarling creature on his face Professor Snape?"

"Yeah, don't mind him," sighed Hermione, taking the note.

The girl standing before the class had long purple hair and deep, happy blue eyes and a pair of silver robotic cat ears. She smiled brightly and waved at everyone.

"It says here that you're a transfer student from Japan!" Hermione read, smiling. "You're name is Chi?"

"Yes, my name is Chi," she replied with a bow. "I am a Gryffindor."

"Oh!" laughed Hermione, pointing to her crest on her uniform. "Looks like you got the wrong set! You grabbed a Hufflepuff uniform, Chi."

"I did?" she gasped, looking at her blue crest, then to Hermione's red one.

"Don't worry," assured Hermione, making room for Chi to sit next to her. "We'll get it fixed at lunch."

"Okay!" said Chi cheerfully as she took her seat.

A few minutes later, Snape barged back into the classroom. All chatter ceased. Around his forehead was a bandage and he was covered in scratches. He glared at them all, and mysteriously didn't remember who's fault the attack had been. Ignoring his confusion, he sat at his desk and went over his notes. Hermione grabbed Chi by the arm and directed her to Snape's desk.

"Professor!" she said, pointing to Chi. "We have a new student!"

"Yay," he moaned, not looking up.

"Oooh!" Chi gasped, staring at his bandages. "You have ouchies!"

Chi then proceeded to rapid-fire poke all of his wounds, including his eye. When she stopped, finally, he fell to the floor, writing in pain and screaming. The bell rang and Hermione smiled evilly.

"I like you already, Chi," she said, leading her out of the room.

No one stayed to help Snape, who recovered a few minutes later. He again had no recollection as to why he was in such pain nor why he had an intense hatred of cookies, Chupacabras, and girls with purple hair. But it was there…and it was something. Snape locked the door to his room and made his way out of the dungeons and toward the sweet aroma of food. Lunch would surely make him feel better, right?

Poor Snape. He had no idea about the things that were about to happen. Then again, neither do you. But, alas, you'll have to wait and find out…just like poor Snape. Ha. I laugh.

**End Spell Three**

What is going on at lunch?

Does Hermione have anything to do with it?

Did you recognize Chi as a character from a manga?

Will Ron and Harry figure out what's up with Hermione?

Will I ever figure out that I need to go to bed on a school night?

Find out some, or all, of these things in... **Spell Four: Lunch-Time Mayhem!**


End file.
